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From Hudak: For 
fun and embarrassment, this link will take you to Danny Bowes' "Absolutely Certain" Oscar Predictions column from September.
Tuesday morning the Oscar nominations were announced, and it's the same basic dance it is every year. Good things got nominated, bad things got nominated, as it was, is, and ever shall be. I'm not going to play the “oh, this is all so boring and I'm above it all” card, because no one's holding a gun to my head and asking me to write this—at least that's what Hudak told me to write when he threatened to take the safety off—but the whole exercise is more intellectually interesting to me than something to get all excited about.
With that said, here are five things I think are good and five things I think are not good about this year's noms:
Good: Gary Oldman's first Oscar nomination—I know, you just did a double-take like “whaaa? Get the fuck out of here, what about “Sid and Nancy?” “State of Grace?” “Immortal Beloved?” (Yeah, I know “Immortal Beloved” sucks, but it's got costumes and he's English, so what the fuck, right?) It just seems off that he's never even been nominated. But, now that's no longer an issue, as his excellent, impeccably precise and restrained performance in “Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy” earned him his first nod. He hasn't got a chance in hell of winning, but he's got a better shot than Michael Fassbender.
Bad: Michael Fassbender not nominated for ANYTHING—Utter bullshit. He could have been nominated for “Shame,” “A Dangerous Method,” or “Jane Eyre” (fuck, he was good enough in “X-Men” that in a slow year he could have snuck in with it). This disgraceful oversight can only mean one thing: Michael Fassbender's penis was simply too big. The good news is he's still eligible for an AVN award. And that he has a really, really big penis. Seriously, though, I don't know who you bump for him in the Best Actor category (which was loaded this year), but still, no Fass is lame-ass.
Good: The Tree Of Life nominated for Best Picture and Director—Huzzah! Terrence Malick's wildly ambitious, gorgeously shot trip through the entirety of existence was considered by a lot of Oscar forecaster types to be dead in the water in awards season because civilians hated it, but lo and behold, here we are. Its chances of winning anything other than Best Cinematography (not all that great to begin with) are still better than it winning Picture or Director, but it's a nice gesture. Because, really. Stop making jokes about the dinosaurs. “Tree of Life” was great.
Bad: Just about every other artistically ambitious picture got fucked—At least the ones that weren't about how awesome life was 80 or 90 years ago. “Shame” was shut out, but that's not surprising, it just sucks because “Shame's” a really good movie, but it's a really good movie about alienation and compulsion with explicit sexual content, so that's that. “A Dangerous Method” is a little more confusing, since it's all old-timey and costumey, but it didn't just have sexual content, it had kinky sexual content, so adios. “Take Shelter” might as well have not even existed. And “Drive's” one nomination, for Sound Mixing (the sound WAS excellent in it) is just crumbs from the table bullshit. (More on “Drive” and the one nomination it really deserved later.)
Good: Melissa McCarthy and Kristen Wiig getting nommed for Bridesmaids—Because, okay. I had a weird reaction to “Bridesmaids.” I didn't laugh a whole lot during it, but the whole time I was like “Wow, this is a really good movie.” And I got really caught up in the story and the characters and hoping that the whole bullshit didn't sink Kristen Wiig and Maya Rudolph's friendship and that Kristen Wiig could find romantic and professional fulfillment, etc., etc. I really liked it as a movie, even if it only intermittently made me laugh out loud. I have no problem with the script and the character it decided was the funny one being recognized.
Bad: Extremely Loud and Inexplicably Nominated—There are some theories making the rounds about director Stephen Daldry, and some not-terribly-polite jokes about how he's either blackmailing people, made a deal with the devil, or engaged in some performance art/biochemistry project to give people diabetes telepathically. I don't know. “Billy Elliot” was great, “The Hours” was a little less great, “The Reader” at least had Kate Winslet with her clothes off, and “ELIC” completes the downward trajectory by being fucking worthless. But here's the thing about Stephen Daldry. He makes really glossy, well-packaged things that appeal to the audience's uncritical, emotional side. And he's a really impressive dude in person, so people who go see director Q&As with him or interview him tend to be like “you know, his picture's aren't maudlin crap . . . HE NEEDS TO BE NOMINATED FOR OSCARS EVERY TIME HE DIRECTS!” I mean, at least he didn't get a Best Director nod AfuckingGAIN, but “ELIC” shouldn't be anywhere near the phrase Best Picture. And I love Max von Sydow, but no. Not when two guys we'll get to in a second got fucked as a result.
Good: Rooney Mara, girl with the Best Actress nomination—I wasn't much of a “Girl With The Dragon Tattoo” fan (hate the books, like Fincher's direction although I have several major reservations about it, etc) but what Rooney Mara did with that role is exactly the kind of physically transformative and emotionally risky performance dudes always get nominated for, so why shouldn't Rooney Mara get one too? Especially since that blurring of the gender binary was so much of what the movie (more than the book) was about.
Bad: Albert Brooks and Patton Oswalt robbed at gunpoint—Okay. Put on your earmuffs, non-profanity types. The fucking thing that's fucking bullshit about this is everything, basically. Albert Brooks, in “Drive,” gave a performance that was nothing short of revelatory. Albert Brooks, ALBERT BROOKS, played one of the most badass villains in recent memory, with masterful emotional calibration, elegant malignance, and just flat out ownage. And Patton Oswalt is Patton Oswalt. He's a national treasure. He's an extremely good actor, and if ever there was a role for a Best Supporting Actor nom, it's the one he gives in “Young Adult.” He's fantastic in it. And why are we fucking these two over? So we can pretend to recognize Max von Sydow's body of work for him embarrassing himself in that bullshit “okay, lower your voice and take a couple steps back” movie? Please. At least Messrs. Brooks and Oswalt [had a good sense of humor about it.]
Good: A Separation for Original Screenplay—This is very good, because “A Separation” is a master class in structure, pace, balance (between theme and character), and just about everything else screenplays are supposed to be. It's an amazing movie that everyone should see, which makes it everyone's favorite to win Best Foreign Film. Which is has no chance of winning because of the “if you've heard of it, it has no chance of winning” rule that's been governing the Best Foreign Film category for years now. Which is too bad, but the Original Screenplay nom keeps the hope of “A Separation” getting some love from the Academy.
Bad: The Debasement of the Best Original Song Category—What the fuck is this “only nominating two songs” bullshit? First of all, The Muppets soundtrack ALONE had TWO must-nominate songs: the one that did get nominated, but also the best original song in any American movie for at least the last five years, “Life's A Happy Song.” The other song that was nominated, no one knows what the hell it is. But how the fuck do you have a category called “Best Original Song” and then not nominate the best original song in any movie of this past year? Yes, Bret McKenzie is going to win the Oscar for “Man Or Muppet,” and that's great because Bret McKenzie's awesome and he writes really good songs. BUT HE'S WINNING FOR THE WRONG SONG. “Man or Muppet” is like an Elton John song from 1972, in a good way. You know, big, melodramatic, kind of funny (on purpose), with a soaring chorus. And that's cool. There's a reason Elton became a big star. But goddammit, “Life's A Happy Song” is so much better. I was having a nice shave with Occam's Razor and figured the only possible explanation is that the Academy is deliberately sabotaging the category so they can be like “Look, there were only two songs worthy of nomination this year! We have to cancel the category due to lack of original songs.” WHICH IS BULLSHIT.
Oh, the category's a holdover from the days when the musical was one of the staple genres of the industry, you say? Well, you know what the solution is? MAKE MORE FUCKING MUSICALS, YOU ASSHOLES. Don't cancel the category, shit on a crucial part of the history of cinema, and be like, “well, it's not our fault.” Make more musicals. The reason musicals started losing money in the ‘60s is because you dipshits spent too much money on a bunch of musicals that weren't any fucking good. Any time a remotely good musical comes along, people flock to it. “Chicago” wasn't the second coming of sliced bread or anything but it was entertaining, glossy, and had pretty people singing and dancing, AND IT MADE LOTS OF MONEY AND PEOPLE REALLY LIKED IT. Hire people who can write songs—they're out there—and make good musicals. Don't be an asshole and deliberately sabotage something that's always been a part of the cinema since there was sound.
Anyway. There's no suspense this year. “The Artist” is going to win almost everything except Best Director, which Scorsese's probably taking for “Hugo.” But even though almost every other winner is pre-determined, it's still a good excuse to get together with friends and drink and say rude things about people who make more money than you do. It's just like sports except instead all the violence is aesthetic and psychological. Yay!
Danny Bowes' is a prolific writer and critic who lives in New York City. You can look for his column every Wednesday, and read him online at moviesbybowes.blogspot.com.
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Shenriq2
said:
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... I agree with you about Michael Fassbender, I was absolutely pissed that he wasn't nominated for anything. This shit is fucking rigged and load of bull shit. But he is an amazing actor nonetheless, big penis and all! |
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