Worst of 2007

Written by Dan Hudak |

Wow, did a lot of movies suck this year. Some were painful to watch, while others failed so miserably you actually pitied everyone involved. Here’s a look at the worst of the worst in 2007 in no particular order but with an escalating sense of resentment for wasting two hours of our lives.

“Catch and Release” starred Jennifer Garner as a grieving almost-widow who moves in with her fiancé’s three best friends after he dies. You knew this was headed nowhere when Kevin Smith – yes, that Kevin Smith, the writer/director of “Clerks” and “Dogma,” among others – emerged as the film’s lone acting highlight.

In “The Ex” Zach Braff tried to use his “Scrubs” charm for laughs, but neither he nor Jason Bateman gave us much to laugh at. In fact, Bateman’s character – who’s confined to a wheelchair – was downright insulting to handicapped people. Everyone involved in this movie should be ashamed of themselves.

Chris Rock starred in “I Think I Love My Wife.” I think I hated the unfunny, tired and predictable story.

“David & Layla” was a romantic comedy without romance. Or comedy. David is Jewish, Layla is Muslim, and they’re so concerned about what their families think that they never get to know one another.

Hilary Swank appeared in “The Reaping,” which was a Biblically silly, unnecessary exercise in cheap scares that’s as loyal to the story of the Ten Plagues as Judas was to Jesus. There hasn’t been a great religious thriller/horror movie since “The Exorcist” (1973), and it’s looking doubtful there will ever be one again.

Mike White’s “Year of the Dog” was so poorly and lazily made it almost makes you hate dogs. Or at least Mike White.

“Eagle vs. Shark” featured unfunny, unlikable and unattractive characters falling in and out of love. This was a New Zealand import that never should’ve been allowed in the country.

“Rush Hour 3” bombed at the box office, and rightfully so. Chris Tucker reportedly earned $20 million and a percentage of the gross to appear in the film. With any luck it’ll be the loudmouth comedian’s last.

In “The Brothers Solomon,” “Saturday Night Live” stars Will Arnett and Will Forte played socially inept brothers who believe having a child will keep their comatose father alive. It felt like — and let’s face it, was — a bad “SNL” skit stretched over 90 minutes.

Billy Bob Thornton played his un-funniest jerk yet in “Mr. Woodcock,” in which he starred as a bullying gym teacher opposite Susan Sarandon and Seann William Scott. Come on, Susan – you’re better than this.

John Cusack made the worst movie of his career in “Martian Child,” in which he played a widowed father who adopts a child who believes he’s from Mars. Kid, go to Mars already and stop creeping us out.

“The Perfect Holiday,” which is currently in theaters, is the perfect diversion for anyone wanting a terrible Christmas movie.

And finally, the worst movie of the year is getting tremendous critical acclaim and recently earned seven Golden Globe nominations. The movie is “Atonement,” and not only do the nominations demonstrate what an absolute joke the Globes are, they’re an indication of the pseudo-intellectual, period-piece garbage that often wins awards but rarely is any good to begin with (remember “The English Patient”?). The movie lacks structure and focus, is slow-moving, uninteresting and deliberately misleading. Take my word for it and skip this Euro-trash.