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Is it worth $10? No
True dialogue from “The Twilight Saga: Eclipse,” spoken by Jacob to Bella as he explains his virtues over Edward’s: “Hey, at least I’m alive.”
He’s got a point there. Too bad the movie isn’t alive with decent dialogue, a more interesting story and better acting. This isn’t quite as bad as the last installment, “New Moon,” but it’s not much better either.
Still trying to set the record for most whining ever by a teenage girl, Bella (Kristen Stewart) is committed to her love for Edward (Robert Pattinson), but groans about him not making her a vampire. No teen should have to make such eternal mortality decisions. Danger lurks in the return of evil vamp Victoria (Bryce Dallas Howard), as she’s creating an army of newborns led by recent convert Riley (Xavier Samuel).
Through a variety of circumstances, all supposedly derived from Stephenie Meyer’s best-selling book (which will continue to remain unread by me), Bella also spends a good amount of time with Jacob (Taylor Lautner, still with great abs) and his fellow werewolves. Even though Edward and Jacob are natural enemies and both love Bella, their clans unite in order to stave off Victoria’s attack and keep Bella safe.
The playful but serious rivalry between Edward and Jacob is amusing, notably in a tent late in the film. And the history of the tension between the vampires and werewolves is explained, which provides needed context. More amusing, relevant scenes like these are needed to keep the tone brisk and lively.
Rosalie (Nikki Reed) and Jasper’s (Jackson Rathbone) back stories are also revealed, and they’re interesting, but neither serves the plot, which makes them pointless. That and some really terrible dialogue – which occurs any time either Edward or Jacob is alone with Bella – hinder what could have been a nicely paced, lucid story.
The franchise is Bella’s odyssey, which (to paraphrase feminist theorist Laura Mulvey) allows women to relate to the story as they see it through her eyes. Therefore as Edward and Jacob pursue Bella, female viewers can also (symbolically) feel pursued by the two hunks.
But what’s missing in director David Slade’s film is an angle from which guys can approach the series. After three movies, it’s still impossible to understand why Edward and Jacob are drawn to Bella. She’s not that cute. She’s whiny and needy. She’s so consumed with doing what she wants she doesn’t care about the danger she puts herself in, which also puts them in danger. Any self-respecting guy would leave her mildly attractive, moping ass behind and not think twice about it. Do vampires and werewolves have no dignity?
As a teen girl fantasy, “Eclipse” will likely suffice to generate ample “Twi-hard” interest leading into the two-part fourth film. As anything else, it’s a dull, occasionally amusing soap opera that leaves a lot to be desired.
Did you know?
No surprise here: Combined, “Twilight” and “New Moon” earned a worldwide box office gross of more than $1.1 billion.
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