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Is it worth $10? No
“The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part One” is not just bad, it’s the worst of a horrid franchise that was never good to begin with. Watching it is the equivalent to inhaling a steaming pile of horseshit for two hours – it’s foul, monotonous and infuriating. When it’s over you’re not fulfilled, you’re just angry and resentful for having sat through it.
To be clear, I was optimistic for this installment because the trailers made it appear that something may actually happen, unlike the last two movies, which were essentially about the most important person in a teenage girl’s life being her boyfriend. Boy was I wrong. In short, Edward (Robert Pattinson) and Bella (Kristen Stewart) get married while Jacob (Taylor Lautner) looks constipated. They honeymoon in Rio for what feels like forever, and even though Edward 1) has no blood in his body and therefore cannot get an erection and 2) is cold and dead inside and cannot possibly produce sperm, Bella is pregnant by the end of the trip.
They return home so Edward’s doctor “dad,” Carlisle (Peter Facinelli), can care for Bella. We learn she may die because of the pregnancy. Given that I’ve been rooting for her death since the first movie, I take this as good news. More conflict comes as Jacob’s wolf pack wants to kill the unborn half-vampire baby, which Jacob will not allow. It’s amazing that after three movies with werewolves the visual effects are still this bad, highlighted by a scene in which the wolves stand around and chat.
Then again, everything about “Breaking Dawn” is bad, which is especially shocking given the pedigree of director Bill Condon (“Dreamgirls”). After four shots at Jacob, Lautner still can’t act. The dialog is cheesy (Edward: “No measure of time with you will be long enough.” Bella: “Let’s start with forever.” Gag.), much like the Stephenie Meyers’ books, I’m told. Visually the film is washed out, and given that the vampires aren’t real vampires and they hang out outside during the day and sparkle, the colors should be more vivid.
Will the core “Twilight” audience like “Breaking Dawn?” The better question is if it’s possible for Twi-hards to not like it. Let’s simplify: If you have decent taste in movies and refuse to accept melodramatic teen soap operas that fail on every level, then no, you will not like this. But if you have no taste – or, more likely here, are susceptible to guilty pleasures (I’m looking at you, smart women) – then I can’t help you.
Did you know?
“The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part Two” is scheduled to open November 16, 2012. I can wait.
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alexisnicky
said:
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... I read the books and loved them, so i'm certain the movie will be good too i am however worried about the rating, the book gave some vivid rated r scenes that i would like to see in the movie and i hope that when the DVD comes out that there will be a directors cut |
tstoinski
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... I have to say I red the books and loved them, as did most who read them. I hated the first 2 movies and just ok with the 3rd. I enjoyed the first part of Breaking Dawn and thought it stuck close to the book. This is probably why I enjoyed it besides the fact that I was able to see if for free through Hudak, Thank you very much! I will hopefully see a contest next year on here for part 2 so I can see it as well for free. |
clooz4u
said:
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... Edward can't get an errection?! You killed the fantasy for most of us...I'm a Twi-hard it is just not possible for me to agree with your review... |
Shenriq2
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... I would like to say that I disagree with this rating. I think that this movie in the saga had the most defined story. Some parts we're flat, mainly the honeymoon. I'm sorry but I won't be playing chess with my husband during a tropical getaway, we would be doing much worse. Such as breaking way more beds! |
joshhollywood
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... Are you serious I loved this movie and so with that i think i would pay more than 10 dollars it was awesome movie!!!loved the wedding and fight scenes     |
jennybellinc
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... I loved it but im sadly a twihard living my inner teenager through Stephanie meyers books lol your review was pretty accurate. I think the fact that I can admit that makes up for me being excited for the next one. |
Huney02
said:
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... This was a really great review. I was debating whether I should see this because one person I know said it was good. Thanks for this review, I now know to stick with my gut and continue to stay away from all Twilight movies. |
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